me: flerp

11:24 PM have you vanished again?

AGAIN!

11:27 PM (he says grudgingly, with a delicate stutter, emphasizing the consonants the way a cow chews its cud, methodically, menacingly, intent on the grinding of all things, much less the cud, into a smooth, digestible paste that is evacuated with ease from a rectum akin to dry and fibrous movements, much like an old grandmother or a sour biscuit or an aged and forgotten symphony.)

10 minutes

11:38 PM me: the hours, the minutes, the seconds all drip drip drip away and there's no one to notice the passage, the staccato loss of immeasurable fluids, into the great dry maw of temporal circumlocution. No one but me, that is. Your status coldy flips, verdigris to ocherous, sick and lonely, indicating your deliberate absence. I sit, awaiting your return. Always, I gaze, always, I gaze, empty and longing for a friend's words, but I have no friend but the despair that lives within the joy of others. I sit, tragically happy in my tragedy fueled recursive despair.

not really. I'ma gonna go eat sum cherreeeeeeez

11:39 PM or not

maybe I'll just *peer*

you: *blink*

soooo new meds are kickass huh?

me: YOU ARE PEERING!

*PEER TO PEER*

11:40 PM new meds

I HAS ON MEDIKAYSHUNZ!

11:41 PM Yeah, it's cool

no death rash (yet)

I promise that if I get to the skin-sloughing stage, I'll get them to save it for you so you can have a tent

made out of me

11:42 PM then you can sleep. inside me. my hollowed out shell. literally

that's going to be A FUCKING SONG

you: *blink*

11:43 PM me: think N'sync: then you can sleep (ooh OOh oh), inside of me (whoa -oh -oh). my ha-allowed out shell..mmmmhmmm..literally

11:44 PM *sways*

you: *snarf*

silver linings

silver linings

these filthy trails leading up cold roads, littered with broken goals, set withered bones aching,
and even though these old bones are only withered in spirit, these old bones certainly are not faking
tomorrow looks as dark as today, and today isn't faring so terribly well.
In the grand scheme of things, things could have been so much better had i not let everything go to hell
So it sits twittering and skittering and flittering in dark passes
revolving and dissolving and evolving into masses
of useless murk and wretched dreams and stinging bees and vile things
nothing is hopeful, nothing is joyful, everything is wasted and nothing at all brings
the slightest glimmer of happiness sits on pale lips
But they are cracked and split form the whipping of whips
and it fails.

They changed you, deranged you, upended and defamed you
and you took it and tasted and tainted and wasted
like a good little boy, who'd done so terribly wrong,
your absence was clear as the clash of a gong
signaling change, signaling newness
but your issues are still issues to which there's no redress
so you flutter and fluster and wring your hands raw
just to come to the same outcome, just as you always saw

now tell me a new one, tell me so brightly
how you've learned to step so lightly
from inches to feet, from strife to life
extracting, replacing, repairing so politely
the damage is done, but the damage is gone
but the sun, the sun, the sun can't be wrong,
illuminating the cracks and filling the spaces
and caring sp gracefully to the gazing faces.

Watch me, and listen and hope is abound.
Break the rules, reject the fools and beat your own path to your own door. Follow your own.

10 years ago today I claimed my independence.
But I did it badly and I hurt you more than necessary and I am so very sorry for that.
Sometimes I wonder where we would be today if I hadn't ended it.
Sometimes I wonder of the effect of solitude on my memory.

Not every moment is missed, but I miss you in moments.